{How To} Break Up

       I consider myself a friendly person. I didn't used to be, but I figured out that being a friend is much easier and much more efficient than just wishing somebody else would come and be your friend. These days, I have friends, I like my friends, and I maintain my friendships to the best of my ability. Friendships and relationships are incredibly valuable to me, and I'm not one to just toss someone aside because "it's Tuesday and I decided that I don't like you on Tuesdays." However, I'll be the first to confess that my personality is not always compatible with every single person I get to know. Occasionally the friendship will just fade away and both parties are content with moving on, but other times the situation gets so bad that confrontation is an unfortunate necessity. Therefore, though this kid was always known to avoid any sort of social conflict, I've faced the near-impossible task of removing unhealthy individuals from my close personal life.

       No, my dear skeptics, I most certainly do not consider myself an expert. But if you happen to be dealing with tough circumstances involving a family member, friend, or "significant other," you are more than welcome to borrow what I've learned from my experiences. It's no secret. Breaking up is hard to do!

The Wilson-Hewitt Family

{THE WHOLE FAMDAMILY}

There are many different categories in which your family troubles may fall. I am enormously blessed to have such a beautiful blended family, despite our heaping share of trials. This will be short and sweet, though I could relate for days about how to remove and repair relationships. Plus, everyone has entirely different situations. That said, most fixes can be applicable nearly anywhere.

An obnoxious or critical distant relative: Stick it out until you can get away from them. At a family reunion, stay out of their line of sight and fly under the radar. If you're staying with them for a short time, find other things to keep you occupied besides spending time in their company. If you're with them for a more extended period, adapt for the time being while you find a way out. You'll find one. After that, you don't have to deal with this person anymore!

A troublesome sibling: If you live together, resolve the issue. Communicate and speak to one another. Try being the bigger person, even when you're victimized. Give each other some space for awhile, and then work it out.

A parent: The main role of a parent is to ensure the safety and well-being of the child. If the parent is not doing this job properly, thoroughly, or at all, there is a problem. Child, discuss this honestly with your parent. If you can't, consider talking to an adult whom you trust and you know will actually listen to you. The intention of this is not just to complain, but to help yourself and your family. I promise, you're in that family for a reason.

Two of my very best friends, Brittnie and Hannah.
Thank goodness the three of us are drama-free!

{A FRIEND IN NEED IS A FRIEND INDEED}

It's a proven fact that your group of friends will change as you age. You may have a few best friends from your childhood throughout your entire life, in which case you are marvelously lucky! But I personally think it's perfectly normal and, as a matter of fact, important to move forward from a poisonous friendship. In the past I've had a few extremely close girlfriends who I needed to part with because we were no longer positive influences in each others' lives. At the time it was painful and sad, but we followed our own directions, made great new friends, and continued on as better people. Here's what to do if you're stuck in a toxic friendship:

1. Consider the reasons why you feel you need to part with this person. Does she continually hurt you? Are you constantly at odds in competition with one another? Are both of you growing apart, while only one of you is still trying to hold on? All are valid and understandable. But if she just got a chocolate stain on your favorite shirt, chances are you can work something out.

2. Inform her fully of the things that have caused problems in your friendship. Let her know why you feel the way you do, and remember to be kind and level about it. Don't just go crazy and start screaming and pulling her hair out.

3. Tell her you'd like to take some time to figure things out for yourself. Time spent apart is probably my #1 rule in breakups.

4. Don't you dare get on Facebook to tell the world about it. That's snarky and ridiculous, and you'll only be making yourself look like a drama queen. Keep it on the down low. If you go to school or work together or hang out with the same group of friends, continue to be civil toward her, even if she ignores you. But don't make a commotion, or it will absolutely come back to bite you.

{AND THEY CALL IT PUPPY LOVE}

Oh, boy, have I made some stupid choices regarding the male species. I've always been the sort of girl to have kindergarten crushes - you know, the kind where every glance and smile gives you butterflies for a few weeks, and then you either decide you're in love or you find somebody else to creep on - but since the end of middle school I realized I was much more bold about my interests. That definitely got me into trouble when I first began to, ahem, flirt. I remember distinctly when two of my best guy friends were hanging out and they both texted me at the same time asking why I "play guys like a deck of cards." I was so embarrassed! It hadn't even registered that I was hopelessly leading them both on, not seeing that they both liked me. After apologizing profusely and cutting back on however-the-heck-it-was-that-I-got-attention-in-the-first-place, our friendship survived and I was more careful with my affections. But you listen to me! Having a lot of crushes at a time is a really good thing! It keeps you from going too far with one person, especially during and before high school. Be a friend to all and go ahead, think every single one is cute, but don't lead them on. You'll have issues, I guarantee it.

A dearest friend of mine, Max. Glad we never dated.
Who could break up with a picture perfect face like that?

Alright, so you found somebody that got you all jittery and giggly and you two decided to date. Things got pretty serious, and you came to a mutual agreement that you should be exclusive. But guess what? You aren't happy anymore. This isn't the right person for you. And heck, maybe it is! But maybe not right now. Maybe she's leaving for college or he's going on a mission. It's possible to take some downtime. If you're positive he is not the one, but you're not sure how to tell him in a nice way, follow my advice. In my opinion and experience, this method is quite effective. It's similar in some ways to breaking up with a friend, but generally much more emotionally stressful.

1. Figure out why you're making this decision. If you're reading this with true worry about how to handle things, the two of you probably aren't in agreement about the necessity for a breakup. But the person who wants out has the right to freedom. Perhaps s/he's abusive - which, in any of even the slightest forms, requires immediate escape action. I'm not kidding, either. Get out now - or perhaps you want to be free to date whomever you choose, or perhaps you aren't comfortable with the development of your relationship. There could be any number of reasons. Just be sure of your motives. Write them down.

2. Set a time limit for The Conversation. I'd give it ten minutes at most. If you talk for hours, you're going to wind up rehashing all your old issues repeatedly, and you'll end up getting nowhere near your goal.

3. Call him or her. That is not heartless or cold. Here's why:

a) You have a 67% less chance of being manipulated or confused.

b) You can get your priorities straight and say what you need to say without interruption.

c) If there's any possibility of violence, you're a whole lot safer on the phone.

d) You can't see his/her face. Trust me, that face can be the biggest determining factor on whether or not you are successful in this endeavor. I look four times prettier when I cry.

e) If things go downhill quickly, your escape route is the red button on the phone. No messy departures.

f) It's more personal than an email or text message (don't even ask me about social media, stupid), but not so personal that it's a slap to the face.

4. Once s/he has picked up, offer polite salutations, take a deep breath, and then state your mission for calling. Tell this person that you have some things you must get off your shoulders without any interruption, after which you are more than happy to answer questions until the five or ten minutes you have set is up.

5. Carry this forward. State your thoughts clearly and in well-organized fashion, and enforce the no-interruptions rule. Answer questions thoroughly and straightforwardly. If it turns sarcastic or caustic, tactfully ignore it.

6. This is crucial: ask for complete separation for at least two weeks. I prefer a month. Let him or her know that in order to get your lives back in order, you both need time on your own. S/he might tell you that they don't need to figure anything out, but the truth is that if you have been in a committed relationship, you have become intertwined and the recuperation process after being separated is difficult. You each need to relearn who you are as an individual, and this cannot be done if you are still in contact with one another. If this rule is broken, add more time. It sounds harsh, but I believe it to be necessary.

7. Once your Conversation's time limit has been reached, thank him/her for listening and offer sincere good wishes to them. If s/he cannot answer appropriately, finish your sendoff anyway and then hang up the phone.

8. Reread your page(s) stating why you made this choice. Trust yourself. Give yourself a pat on the back for doing something so hard, and promise yourself to hold firm. The weeks ahead will be long, but you have the guts in you to make it through.

9. Delete your ex's contact information. If s/he tries to contact you, don't allow it. If it's a persistent bombardment, calmly respond by reminding them of your simple conditions. If you need to extend the separation period, do so.

10. Spend some time on your own. Find out what it is you love to do by yourself. What are your talents? What are your hobbies? Who are your true friends? When I broke up with my first serious boyfriend, I was initially terrified because I recognized that I had abandoned all my best friends and even my family for this young man. He fought me for some time until finally he sat back and took a good look at everything, after which he found peace and went on his mission. It took me a while to jigsaw together the remains of my life and reestablish myself as an individual, but eventually I did and had the most excellent senior year a kid could ask for. It was worth it.

      Stay strong. People may come and go, but you must always be true to yourself through thick and thin. Be confident in your unique soul and always seek to be a friend first and foremost. You will come out on top!

Choose good friends, like these ones here

Happy staying true!

{Literary Thursday} Jules Feiffer

       Good evening! And what a good evening it is. I moved back home on Monday and have been job hunting - let me know if you find any offers! - and today's search felt successful. Wish this little working girl luck!

       After a weeklong hiatus from my beloved blog, I have found a lovely poem to share with you all. Upon rifling through mountains of old notebooks and papers that were stuffed high up in my closet, I came across a rumpled sheet of white paper with no more than a third of the page filled with small type. Where this little treasure originated from, I haven't the faintest idea. But it's inspiring! And I couldn't agree with it more! Pay attention.

"Be Yourself" by Jules Feiffer

Ever since I was a little kid I didn't want to be me. I wanted to be Billie Widdledon and Billie Widdledon didn't even like me. I walked like "he" walked...I talked like "he" talked...I signed up for the high school "he" signed up for.

Which was when Widdledon changed. He began to hang around Herby Vandeman...he mixed me up! I began to walk and talk like Billie Widdledon walking and talking like Herby Vandeman. And then it dawned on me that Herby Vandeman walked and talked like Joey Haverlin and Joey Haverlin walked and talked like Corky Sabison...

So here I am walking and talking like Billie Widdledon's imitation of Herby Vandeman's version of Joey Haverlin trying to walk and talk like Corky Sabison.

And who do you think Corky Sabison is always walking and talking like? Of all people - Dopey Wellington...THAT little pest who walks and talks like ME!

       The moral of the story is, it's okay to have a hero. But if you're constantly aiming to mold yourself after that person, you lose yourself. You're bound to discover that your ideal is simply a copy of somebody else's ideal. It's a dumb old chicken-or-egg scenario, and without individuality the cycle is inescapable. We're all different for so many reasons! If we were all the same, we'd be darn useless. And abhorrently drab. Find a reason that you're different than someone you look up to. Why does it make you outstanding? To get you started, here's one of mine.

       I admire my dear mother for thousands of things. It's not a fact I hide, and I could go on and on about her. A gift that I have is the ability to see situations from a clear, unbiased perspective and subsequently offer diplomatic advice on how to set things straight. Mama, while undeniably wise and unwaveringly faithful, can get so focused on details that she can't see the whole picture. The beauty of the scheme is that I get her out of her own head and she catches vital specks of information that I miss. We work together to solve problems because we balance each other out. See how nice?

       Today, find your gift. Be grateful for it and hold on to it tight. You're an excellent person all on your very lonesome, and there is not one being save for God who you ought to strive to exemplify in entirety. Start trends! Make waves! Just remember to be humble. I believe in you!



Try some statement sunglasses. Wink. Wink.

Happy trendsetting!

Sequin Piano Batman

       Hello, friends! I haven't had access to a computer for a few days, and so I've decided to combine {Fashion} Friday, {Random} Saturday, and {Soulful} Sunday into one big snowball post. Therefore, I get to talk about fashion, music, and something completely irrelevant. Jeepers! What a swell day!

{Fashion}
       Growing up, I hated looking like a prissy little princess. Bows were obnoxious, frills were of the devil, and oh. Don't you even get me started on the color pink. I wanted to be cool like my brothers, to fly under the radar and worry more about riding bikes than what color my fingernails were painted. My poor mother has told me time and time again that I never let her play with my hair. When I was eight and wanted to get bangs, she made me curl my hair every day for a month before I had "earned" the opportunity to do so. To a rambunctious child it seems like torture, but looking back I feel terrible for her! A 20-something woman running a daycare center with only one daughter to call her own, not to mention fresh from a brief but successful modeling career, couldn't even do her baby girl's hair. Thank goodness my little sister Mookie actually asks to have her hair done! Hopefully she redeems my stubborn reluctance.

       Those who know me now would likely have an aneurysm before believing such a history. (Note last week's Wedding Wednesday for more details.) I'll keep it short and sweet by saying that I am, as stupid as I know it sounds, actually quite passionate about fashion. No. I'm not a Bratz doll. And they're not fashionable in the slightest. Just so we have that covered. I subscribe to too many magazines and I like to weed out the downright silly opinions from those that could, in fact, make at least an inkling of sense. Okay, so everyone is in agreement that Lady Gaga has some serious issues somewhere in her mind. But she takes risks, and I would be a liar if I didn't come clean about having tremendous respect for that. Think of fashion as the stock market: if you never take any risks, you won't ever get anywhere. But if you throw it all on the line, you could either fail miserably or soar to brand new heights. Plus, if you do fail, you can always come back. The key is resilience and determination.

       In the winter of 2009, I stumbled upon a massive sale at the Express in Salt Lake City. I've had an on and off relationship with the store since we met, and this was definitely an ON day. In the many (however rapidly emptying) clearance racks I discovered a pair of leggings that I had seen in one of their major campaign advertisements. The last pair in the entire store! I looked at the price tag. They cost $20. Now, that seems like a lot for a pair of leggings. But it's an awful lot less than the original $98 ticket. I held my breath and, with shaking hands, fumbled to find the size. It's possible that I could have passed out on the spot. Small! The very last pair, 80% off, in my size. Best. Day. Of. My. Life.

       Since that fateful evening, I have found many uses for this blessed article of clothing. I wore them to a dance party, to school (a few times, until I realized that all the boys were unknowingly staring me up and down and I felt naked. Not to mention several kids I'd never spoken two words to suddenly felt it was their right to touch my thigh), to perform in our school's version of American Idol, and to Times Square in New York on New Year's Eve. Heck, I got noticed in the fashion capital of the United States! To say that these leggings changed my life would be an understatement.

       I realized that it's okay to stand out. A good thing, even! I started shopping for what I really longed to wear, instead of what I already knew was deemed acceptable to wear. We shouldn't have to fall back on a trend or worry about looking "normal" to everybody else. Who cares? The way we choose to dress is an expression of our individualism - or lack thereof. I'm proud to say I don't lack it! And for those who are content with tossing on a t-shirt and jeans day in and day out, I'm not going to tell you it's wrong. The only thing that matters is that you're happy and comfortable with what you're wearing. I love a good pair of sweats to sleep in, but I'd flip a lid if I had to wear them during the day! Once I showed up to an Encore rehearsal in a pair of sweatpants and I literally could not dance because I didn't feel graceful in the slightest. It goes both ways! If a pair of Adidas is vital to your regular uniform, you may or may not suffer from cardiac arrest or heart failure upon donning stilettos. Focus more on how you feel than how you look. 

      

{Raaandom}

        I saw the new Batman movie last night. The theater was actually not as packed as I expected it to be, and I have to wonder if the most incredible film I've ever seen is hurting financially because of the Colorado shooting incident. My heart goes out to all those affected by the event. In truth, I was very highly on my guard! Every time there was gunfire on the screen my eyes flashed down to the front of the theater, just in case.

       Apart from that, I must have been a sight to see as I watched that glorious motion picture. I chewed my lip, covered my mouth, covered my eyes, parted my fingers warily so I could still watch, pulled my knees up to my chest, ran my fingers through my hair anxiously, rubbed my temples, cried like a baby in that my bottom lip stuck out in a frustrated little pout, ceased breathing several times, and actually came to a teetering halt on the very edge of a panic attack. Normally I fall asleep during movies (which has driven certain people to sheer madness - WHY are you not enjoying this?!), but I was entranced and hopelessly fixated throughout the entire thing. Amazing. Go see it. And if you have already, go see it again.

{Music}

       I am learning to play The Hours by Philip Glass on the piano. I don't play the piano. It is difficult, but coming. Sit back, relax, and listen to the whole thing.

   http://youtu.be/3FniHgiyaTY