{Thoughtful Thursday} Alan Watts

Pay attention.

I was introduced to this video by a successful man who seems to have his dreams and goals in mind at all times. When I met him four summers ago, he had every one of his ducks in a row: an unbelievable talent for basketball meant a golden pathway paved with recruiters, scholarships, and opportunities galore. This guy had confidence to spare and every right to it. He was doing what he loved and being richly rewarded for it. We sparsely renewed our friendship following our first encounter, and I gathered after a year or so of infrequent text messages that his health had fallen to a critical level due to several complications. Problems compounded until he was rendered physically incapable of playing hardly at all, let alone the way he used to. He lost his scholarship and with it flew his immaculately coordinated future. At this point in our relationship, we weren't close enough for such news to impact me to any real extent. I offered my condolences and again we fell out of touch, this time leaving about a year between contact.

The next time we spoke, my acquaintance had thankfully recovered from his illnesses and begun, little by little, to piece his life back together. He regained his health, his friends, and a new found confidence that is now rife with humility. Aside from dabbling in other interests, he started playing basketball again. Satisfied with the knowledge that he was doing significantly better, I was once more alright with the both of us quietly returning to our separate lives. Recently I had the choice fortune of visiting with this long-distance friend in person. To spare ourselves from a horribly awkward silence, we played music on the drive home after I had picked him up from the airport. This music sparked between us the easy conversation of lifelong comrades, and halfway home he played the video so that I could listen. Though it was profound to me at the time, it did not remain at the forefront of my intellect for more than the few lingering minutes following its conclusion.

Over the course of his weekend visit, I came to understand my associate with a fullness generally designated only to immediate family members and the dearest of companions. Of his many striking characteristics, I found the motivations attached to his dreams to be most salient. He wants to coach. Given his firsthand experience in sports and their psychological effects - positive and negative - this desire is almost a no-brainer. He wants to have the resources to provide for his future family, but also live within his means so he can teach his children the same values.

This brings me to what I personally consider the most honorable of his goals, which is that of being a husband and father. I emphasize this word as he did when he explained it to me. So many men serve their purpose as breadwinner and physical provider for the family, satiated in the singular act of offering financial security. A husband knows what his wife likes and dislikes; he gardens and cooks eggs with her; he teases her and comforts her; he makes her laugh and loves her the most when she is truly herself. A father is involved with his children in every aspect of life. He takes them to the zoo and reads them bedtime stories; he listens to even the most irrational of concerns before responding with the advice he feels inspired to offer; he teaches them to think for themselves; he is forgiving of mistakes and truly proud of the small triumphs; he wakes up before his high schoolers just so he can be sitting at the table in a cardigan, glasses, and loafers reading the paper, ready to wish them luck on the midterm or the speech.

This got me thinking. I have always wanted to be a mother. Well, there was a difficult stage around the age of six when I realized that I had to keep the cootie-infested man who gave me the baby. Since then, though, I've come to recognize the inherent beauty of the family unit. I have such a deep-rooted love for the husband and children who one day I'll get to call mine that I can't imagine a future without them. To the world this may not seem impressive or noteworthy; people tie the knot and give birth every day! But to be a mother, in every sense of the word's true form, is a position to hold in the highest regard.

The dream of being a good parent, if its motivations are unselfish and charitable, is one that requires hard work and passion, just like any other high-reaching goal. This is one purpose I find no trouble in finding cause for.

Now, let's look at the truth right in its face: I'm not getting married anytime soon. Just get a handle on that real quick. In the meantime, I want to find my ardor. To tie my tangent back to the video, what would I do if money were no object? I wish I could tell you I know exactly where I'll be even three years from this day, but as of now I am afraid I cannot. Throughout my young life I have developed countless aspirations connected to both culminated talents and hopelessly whimsical fantasies. I'll be a singer! An actress! A teacher! A dancer! A therapist! An ambassador! A pianist! A fashion designer! A journalist! I'll be unicorn farmer, for goodness' sake. Call me a late bloomer, but I'm still searching for that one skill I wish to perfect to a science.

When I was younger, I remember being asked often what I'd like to be when I grow up. I was encouraged to be anything I wanted to be, no matter how outside-the-box my ideas were. More and more now, I keep seeing advertisements from community colleges telling me to study this or that, because "everyone knows that health care is where the jobs are!" If that isn't an open stab at the abhorrent state of our economy, I don't know what is. We all need work because we all need money because we all need to live. Go back and watch the video again. Find a way to get by doing what you love, and you won't work another day in your life. You've heard it far too many times, but "When there's a will, there's a way!" This applies here. I'm prepared to find my dream and find my will. The world may tell me no, but I won't give up hope. There is always a way.

Happy trailblazing!

{Thoughtful Thursday} Looking for a Boy

"I am just a little girl who's looking for a little boy who's looking for a girl to love."

Alright, I've got this all figured out. The features that will continue henceforth on Oh, My Darling are Beauty Tuesdays, Soulful Sundays, and my newest addition, Thoughtful Thursdays. For the most part, these categories leave plenty of room for interpretation but grant me safety from excessive rambling.

Dictionary.com is a good friend of mine, especially when I'm in need of something out of the ordinary. The reference site posts daily words and quotes, and Thursday's quote was the one up there beneath that cute picture. No, it isn't philosophical. And at a first glance, of course you wouldn't think about it twice. This simple phrase introduces the whimsical piece, "Looking for a Boy," originally written by George and Ira Gershwin in 1926. Though it's been widely covered, my favorite version belongs to the phenomenal Ella Fitzgerald.

Here are my thoughts on this sentence. Every time I catch up with an old friend, regardless of age or position in my life, the question is inevitably raised as to whether or not I'm seeing anyone. This is a fair enough detail to be taken into consideration, seeing as I've held the statuses of girlfriend and forever single and just about everything in between. The truth is, I myself have never been notably fond of the active pursuit of romantic relationships. Granted, once a romantic relationship stumbles over my pinky toe, I'm not going to slam the door in its face. I'm just not walking around barefoot with my head stuck in the clouds.

I'm told many different things by many different people regarding this decision, or lack thereof. Some may support me in living my life one step at a time and allowing things to run their course, while others feel the pressing need to ascertain that I am not suffering from depression or any similar disorder. I also find that often certain people will stand by my side for the wrong reasons, thinking I'm sticking it to the man by not conforming to the local phenomenon that involves every kid and their dog getting a boyfriend or girlfriend moments after tossing that tasseled cap in the air. That's just silly. Praise me as a lone wolf or mock me as a lonely fool, but I know there are plenty of individuals like me who have mastered the art of preserving joy in rain or shine.

Curse me for sounding cliché, but I'm okay with anyone and everyone who chooses to act otherwise! Today at work I had the privilege of meeting an adorable woman with whom I struck up a conversation. Said conversation wound up on the precarious (not to mention hilarious) lines of her requesting that I go out with her son sometime. To her daughter's embarrassed "Mmmooommmm...what are you doing?" she exasperatedly responded, "You know what, honey? We have got to be actively helping him find a wife!" Now, this was all in lighthearted fun, but I can respect a mother's concern for her darling boy's future welfare. From her description he seems to hold a standpoint akin to mine, which may come in handy.

I believe each person retains the right to date in whichever fashion he or she so desires. Without question I assert that there are indeed more effective methods than others to reach any particular goal, but there is no exact formula for achieving precisely what one hopes for. Some are serial daters - a girl might have boyfriend after boyfriend after another extra-special-this-one's-different-just-like-all-the-rest boyfriend - while others care only to dip in a few digits at a time and grant a kiss on the cheek every several months to extremely rare exceptions. Neither type is at terrible fault; however, the serial dater's tactics are ever so slightly more likely to land her in trouble than those of the timid mouse.

Girls, if you're looking for a boy, more power to you. You've heard this a thousand times, but you truly must strive toward becoming a likeness of that person you seek. If you want a smart man, educate yourself. If you want someone who will take care of you and treat you well, look for ways to care for others and be of service. Boys, if you're looking for a girl, read the sentence I just wrote to the girls, and then find one of them and get to know her. Birds of a feather flock together!

For those who want to stay single for awhile, it's cool. You aren't obligated to fall in love until it's right. Just know that eventually it will be to your great advantage to team up with someone who makes you happier than you thought you could be.

And for my fellow Whatevers, I hope you're not just being apathetic. The way I see it, I'll always be improving myself in preparation for the day when I do cross paths with my most unforgettable gentleman, even if I don't have my Husband Radar tuned in just yet. The important aspect to remember when "living in the moment" is to make the most of where you are and what you're doing at all times. Be up for and accepting of anything, and you'll be happy with the outcome.

Happy looking!

{Random Saturday} Rolling With the Punches

It seems as though every obstacle I overcome immediately adjoins to a new problem. Sometimes I need only tackle one relatively small issue before moving on to the next objective. Other times it feels like everything that could possibly go wrong does, and the intense pressure really throws me for a loop. Would I find safety in assuming everyone else deals with these same inconveniences? Upon evaluating a summary of my life's experiences, I suffer no hesitation in concluding that no period of time passes free of any trial whatsoever.

Make yourself aware, this statement holds not an ounce of remorse or self-pity. Instead, when undertaken reasonably, I submit that this conclusion indeed yields the ability to bless he who truly understands it. You see, any rational individual could jump to the belief that a life filled with hardship equals a life of impediment and sorrow. It takes a little more research and contemplation to recognize what else your "barriers" offer.

What this realization boils down to is solely a matter of perspective. We learn from our mistakes, correct? At least, we strive to. Why not learn from the exterior circumstances that get us down? So, you get fired from your job. What a bummer. You possess the option to blame your hopelessly misconstrued ex-employer and pout about what he did to you, or to take a hard look in the mirror and figure out the details that require your attention in order to mend properly. Separate entirely from beating yourself up, this action leads you to not only fix your current problem, but to improve your situation dramatically. 

The key to improvement and its maintenance - while I'm sure that many disagree and may possibly even hold me and similar thinkers in general disapprobation for such outlandish ideas - is optimism. I strongly assert that even the direst of conditions are capable of being adapted to or conquered by administering a healthy dose of positive. No, this confirms no guarantee of a million dollars dropping into your lap, but it motivates you to set goals and subsequently work hard toward their achievement.

Recently I met a new friend, and on our third day of acquaintance we wound up engaged in a profoundly intriguing and progressive discussion. He declares that despite what we may reflect on the surface, the unspoken energy we emit from within speaks louder than our words. With great enthusiasm he explained to me how "the universe will always say yes." In other words, if a person constantly thinks negative thoughts and sends out negative energy, that's exactly what he can expect to receive in return. On the flipside, if you do everything in your power to promote love and positive energy, your surroundings will reciprocate. And this young man firmly avers that humans rely on love for basic survival.

Give heed to what dominates your thoughts on a regular basis. What brings you joy? What saddens you? What begs to be healed? Significantly, what have you to offer the world around you? Remember the Golden Rule: One should treat others how one would like others to treat oneself. Adults begin stuffing that mantra down children's throats before they even learn to speak. Why? Because it's the basic code of morality. Treat your life with optimism, and your life will treat you right back.

Happy optimizing!

{Wedding Wednesday} the First

       I'm a really goofy kid. I'll always be the first to admit it, cause it defines a big part of me! But I can also be as pathetically girlish as they come. Floral prints, bows, lace, high heels, love songs, fluttery eyelashes, curled hair, puppies, brown paper packages tied up with strings, and sweet, sweet romance are all etched into my heart like the names of every boy I've had a crush on since kindergarten (there must be hundreds by now!). One distinct personification of my sugary nature is the fact that I love weddings. Everything about 'em. The dress, the flowers, the lights, the food, the dancing...and, of course, the ceremony itself.

       Having just graduated from high school and its dramadramadrama dating scene, I'm looking forward to dating with less strings attached. However, I've been seeing more and more engagement photos of kids who graduated within three short years of me! And some even belonging to my classmates! I'll be honest: it terrifies me. This girl is not ready to be a wifey, no matter how many times Grandma says it while I'm cooking dinner and cleaning the house. Sure, I'm preparing for it, but there is no way I'm getting hitched this quick. Patience, friends. Patience is a virtue.

       As averse as I am to actually tying the knot at this time in my young life, I do so much enjoy seeing how other people put together their own matrimonial events. It's supposed to be the most important day you'll ever have, so you might as well make the most of it! Now, once we've figured out the Which Man to Marry dilemma, the things I care most about (at this point, anyway) are the gown, the flowers, the cake, and the music. Is that bad? I sure hope not. Cause from now on, every fourth day of the week is Wedding Wednesday, and I'm pretty sure that's all I care to cover. One wedding a week. Sit back, relax, and delight in the fun.

       The dress: Reem Acra Spring 2012. Abstract and affectionate, this gown maintains a feminine softness while exuding cutting-edge confidence with a chill, breezy undertone. I love the red accent, but the royal crown may be a bit much. I'd go with a mid-length, single-layer veil.

       The flowers: Naturally yellow, Teddy Bear sunflowers are just so happy! And a red tint gives this bud a richer feel, instead of looking rather like a large dandelion.

       The cake: Simple and to-the-point. I would maybe add another tier on bottom and then a few of the sunflowers here or there. Red velvet with a buttercream frosting makes the most sense to me.

       The playlist: Sweet without being sappy. At one of Brittnie's ballroom performances, I observed a couple's waltz to "Faithfully" by Journey. Don't get me wrong - I'm maniacal over the song. But the cheesy routine made me crazy! So we're headed for a more laid-back vibe.

1. "Let It Be Me" by Ray LaMontagne

2. "Daughters" by John Mayer

3. "Can't Buy Me Love" by The Beatles

4. "Double Trouble" by Jack & White

5. "Look After You" by The Fray

6. "1901" by Phoenix

7. "Give Me Love" by Ed Sheeran



Happy daydreaming [OR] planning [OR] reminiscing!