{How To} Be A Stud

       A few weeks ago, my handsome 11-year-old brother, Andrew, was discussing with our mother the many facets of school shopping. He has been relatively fickle in the past. As trends fade in and out his fashion senses tingle, informing him that bright colors are now far too ostentatious, so he needs to trade them out for conservative greys and navies. Today he recruited my assistance in his new-year outfitting expedition and we discovered that he doesn't need all that mumbo jumbo! He's gotta be him. And who knew what a manly man he really is?

       They tell us we oughta be like unto a child. Men, be like unto this child. Here's a crash course for the boys in need of a little masculine sustenance. Try these 9 simple tricks and you'll have every pretty lady you meet in a swooning tizzy. Heck, this kinda stuff works on me all the time. Especially bowties and musicianship.

Step One: Cuff your slim jeans.

{slim jeans+cuffed hems=smooth}

Step Two: Wear snazzy shoes.

{high tops not required; take pride in those babies}

Step Three: Pick up a fancy bowtie.

{a great conversation starter}

Step Four: Love your mother.

{girls trust boys who treat the women in their family with respect}

Step Five: Invest in a puppy.

{you get a cute dog, you instantly get a cute face}

Step Six: Throw on some attractive sunglasses.

{call them S-G's for bonus points}

Step Seven: Grow a moustache.

{feel sophisticated}

Step Eight: Learn to play a musical instrument.

{slap down a few chords and you'll be a hero}

Step Nine: Develop an enthusiastic zeal for your country and sailing.

{no Harvard education required}

       Now, not everybody has the capacity to maintain such a high standard of quality manliness, but you are more than encouraged to make a valiant attempt. The most important key, above all else, is to be a gentleman! Unless you're not really interested in ever being given a second glance by respectable young women. If you can't do it all, just be a gentleman and your odds will shoot way up. I have never found myself enamored by a philanderer. You can be slick as oil, but you'll always be something of a greasy tool to us all if you toy with girls' hearts. Save Monopoly for your next family night, and I guarantee you'll be ahead of the curve.

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The gentleman of the century approves of this message

Happy gettin' down with your bad self.